A recent Global News article (https://globalnews.ca/news/11179228/canadian-youth-doing-worse-struggle-with-friendship-bullying-report/) sheds light on the growing struggles faced by Canadian youth when it comes to their mental health and social lives. The findings, published in the 2022 Health Behaviour in School-aged Children (HBSC) report, highlight that teens across Canada are reporting lower levels of life satisfaction, increased feelings of loneliness, and fewer close friendships compared to previous years.
This national study, conducted every four years, surveyed over 41,000 young people aged 11 to 15. The numbers are concerning:
- Only 47% of youth said they have at least three close friends — a 15% drop since 2018.
- One-third of students reported feeling left out or lonely at school.
- Life satisfaction has plummeted, particularly among girls and gender-diverse students.
- Rates of bullying remain troublingly high: 27% of students said they had been bullied at school in the past couple of months.
Experts contributing to the report attribute this decline to a combination of post-pandemic isolation, increasing digital engagement over in-person connection, and worsening mental health trends.
How Do I Help?
As a psychotherapist working with teens, I see the ripple effects of these struggles every day. One of the most consistent themes I hear from teens is that they feel misunderstood by the adults in their lives, especially their parents.
When your teen is struggling, it’s natural to want to jump in and fix the problem. You might offer advice, suggest a new perspective (“This won’t matter in 10 years”), or try to minimize the situation to help them feel better. But, more often than not, these approaches don’t land the way we hope and can cause our teen to feel disconnected from us and misunderstood.
Here’s why: Teenagers are in a critical stage of brain development, particularly in their emotional and social processing. According to the Center for the Developing Adolescent, adolescence (typically between ages 10 and 25) is a period of rapid neurological growth, especially in areas of the brain responsible for emotion regulation, social relationships, and identity formation (Center for the Developing Adolescent, 2023). Their world revolves around friends, school, and belonging — so when issues arise in those areas, they feel intense and magnified. Minimizing their experiences can feel dismissive and invalidating.
So, what can you do instead?
Start with One Simple Question:
“What do you need right now?”
I often encourage caregivers to use the “Three H’s”:
- Do you need to be Heard?
- Do you need Help?
- Do you need to be Held?
More often than not, teens just want to be heard — to have someone listen without judgment, advice, or attempts to fix the issue. Occasionally, they may want to be held (emotionally or physically). Seldom do they want immediate help, which is difficult to hear, considering most of us are eager to swoop in to help.
Another simple question I frequently use in my own relationships is:
“Do you want to vent, or are you looking for a solution?”
This gives the teen permission to set the tone for the conversation and helps you meet them where they’re at.
Exploring problems with your teen by asking curious, open-ended questions both validates their feelings and helps them build the skills to navigate future challenges on their own. When we trust our teens to lead the conversation, they learn that they can make decisions, that it’s okay to struggle, and that they have a supportive adult to turn to when they truly need guidance.
It may feel counterintuitive, but stepping back can be the most helpful step forward. Your presence, patience, and willingness to listen can be the most powerful support your teen needs.
Final Thoughts
Today’s teens are facing unique and complex challenges. They’re under pressure academically, socially, and emotionally, all while navigating a rapidly changing digital world. They don’t need us to fix everything. They need us to be available, to believe in their resilience, and to show them that their feelings matter.
Let’s start by asking:
“What do you need right now?”
